Usually, I'm pretty upbeat. Recently though, it seems like not only did it literally rain and pour, but everything in life has been pouring. Our car has a list of things that needs fixed. We're barely making enough to pay rent. We have bills coming in to suck up more money. We still need to send in more stuff to get approved for help with food, so in the meantime, we have to pay for food out of pocket. We had to pay to get our 2008 tax return, so I could file financial aid. We still have to pay and get our plates switched on the car. We're still waiting for medicaid for the kids...so Judah is behind on shots. I feel like I'm slamming my head into a wall, with no end in sight. Spiritually, I am dry. I have literally cried and cried, and I feel like a failure because we can barely keep food on the table. We're having to ask people for help to get some of the above things done. I'm hoping we can keep the lights on, and somehow keep the net up too (which is now essential since we're doing school online) The only time I feel somewhat better is when I'm drawing or playing guitar. Judah is teething too, and we haven't gotten much sleep. Josiah has been cranky as well, probably because he realizes how stressed I am. I just want life to be nice again. It doesn't help when you miss Toledo sooo bad some days. Some days I've questioned whether we're supposed to be here, but I know we are...it just hurts sometimes.
I guess I'll just have to pray for more strength, but I am SO beat...and discouraged, and just.......irritated. I feel like life just isn't making sense, and I wish I could see the big picture that's going on. Why does it have to be so rainy and cold outside as all of this is going on too?! I at least need to see the sunshine. :(
JOY, I am sorry to hear things are hard right now for you and your family..I have been there too many times. And finally last year I seen what God was trying to do, get me to listen to HIM. To get me to the point where I had to 100% rely on HIM. Do you have a prayer journal? That really helps to write everything down. So that you can be praying daily, more than once a day and visually see and check off when He awnsers. Joy I will be praying for you and your family. Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And he shall strengthen your heart. psalm 27:14 Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4
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