I really haven't been liking the slump I've been in recently...but it's how I feel. I don't feel alive. Life has been so rough lately that I'm doing all I can to just breathe in, and breathe out. I find myself angry at how things are going, and I try to see where God is at in it all. I mean seriously, we haven't had money for food, and the state is taking forever to help us with food assistance. To top it off, Judah is in desperate need of his shots and just basic healthcare, and that's taking forever too.
It also doesn't help that I feel like our cars wheel is just going to finally break, and cause a major accident. I keep having anxiety thinking one of these days, I'm going to get a call saying Joe's been seriously injured and is at XYZ Hospital. I've already had to deal with the phonecall from him almost being killed in a car accident before, and I can't go through that again. I'm scared. I feel helpless, knowing your car needs fixed but being able to do nothing about it. I can't relax.
So...lately my life has been centered around pleading with God for help, checking the mail to see if we'll finally have foodstamps and healthcare...only to be disappointed by another day of high-calorie peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and ramen noodles. I want to provide for my children, and I feel like I'm breaking. I feel like a bad mom. I just...
I really need God to answer me today. I really can't make it one more day.
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