I haven't been feeling like myself.

Usually, I'm pretty upbeat. Recently though, it seems like not only did it literally rain and pour, but everything in life has been pouring.  Our car has a list of things that needs fixed. We're barely making enough to pay rent. We have bills coming in to suck up more money.  We still need to send in more stuff to get approved for help with food, so in the meantime, we have to pay for food out of pocket.  We had to pay to get our 2008 tax return, so I could file financial aid.  We still have to pay and get our plates switched on the car. We're still waiting for medicaid for the kids...so Judah is behind on shots.  I feel like I'm slamming my head into a wall, with no end in sight.  Spiritually, I am dry. I have literally cried and cried, and I feel like a failure because we can barely keep food on the table.  We're having to ask people for help to get some of the above things done.  I'm hoping we can keep the lights on, and somehow keep the net up too (which is now essential since we're doing school online)  The only time I feel somewhat better is when I'm drawing or playing guitar.  Judah is teething too, and we haven't gotten much sleep.  Josiah has been cranky as well, probably because he realizes how stressed I am.  I just want life to be nice again.  It doesn't help when you miss Toledo sooo bad some days.  Some days I've questioned whether we're supposed to be here, but I know we are...it just hurts sometimes.
I guess I'll just have to pray for more strength, but I am SO beat...and discouraged, and just.......irritated.  I feel like life just isn't making sense, and I wish I could see the big picture that's going on.  Why does it have to be so rainy and cold outside as all of this is going on too?! I at least need to see the sunshine. :(

College

I'm going to be staying at home but going to college through the University of Phoenix online.  I officially will be enrolled on Tuesday.  The more I prayed about it, the more I felt it was the right thing to do.  I decided to choose to go for Human Services Management, and when I'm done I can work as a social worker, or work with non-profit organizations.  My Pastor up here is actually the one who suggested that field for me, and even though I'm not great at face to face interactions, I believe that God is really going to strengthen me in that area.  Joe also will be enrolled on Tuesday, and he's going into the Pharmaceutical area.  I'm pretty happy about it, as it finally seems as though our lives are going to finally get back on track.  It'll be exciting having some extra cash from financial aid as well (and be able to save again...haven't been able to do that in a while)  Anyways, that's where we're at with it.  Hope all is well for everyone reading this!

So, I'm still really stuck on what to do.

I've been praying for so long still, and I don't have an answer, and I don't know what to do.  I could see the benefits of our kids being around other children in daycare...but would my kids still love me just as much not seeing me enough throughout a day?  Would it feel like someone else were raising them if I did put them in daycare?  Our bills are rolling in, and I just don't know how it's going to be possible to keep paying everything on just Joe's wages.  Why does life have to be so hard?